watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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