The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
