Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
