apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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