We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
