my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize