your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
