Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
