wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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