if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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