apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
