my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
