Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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