I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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