I'm going to rape someone's good day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
