he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
