Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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