You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
