I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
