Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
