Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
