I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
