i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
