Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
