did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
