I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
