I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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