I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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