I heard we made out
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
