now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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