or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
