I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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