I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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