OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
