Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
