She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
