I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
