I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
