and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
