its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
