Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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