you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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