is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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