bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
