were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
