if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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