so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
