i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
