I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize