and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Enjoy the penises
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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