I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
