broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
