Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
