wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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