i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
