If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
