he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
