I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
