The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
