A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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