In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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