so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Less talking, more tequila
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
