I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
