it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
