she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm jealous of your bromance
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize