One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
