I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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