i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
