You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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