dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
