am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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