so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize