it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
