Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
