She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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