WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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