Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
